May 31, 2010


I've just been reminiscing with an old friend. Well, an old video. Well, a new video clip of an old movie. Oh just click the link.

By gods, Gene Kelly could dance. He had strength and sex appeal. No cutesy numbers like Fred Astaire would pull out - serious feats of choreography, physical endurance and emotion. Especially when he danced with Cyd Charisse - va va voom! Those two had some serious chemistry and technical ability going on. Cyd Charisse could rock it on her own, to be fair, but with Gene Kelly, there was magic.

Note the green dress...covet...image sourced from The Pop History Dig, image from "Singin' In The Rain"

I would've loved to have been a dancer, specifically a ballerina. I took lessons early on, but heard my mum complaining about having to drive me to them, so gave it up. Dumb thing to do. I would take up lessons now, only I'm lacking in cash and time. Plus, as it would only be for recreation, I kinda feel undeserving of lessons...or something silly like that. Still, I want to know how to dance properly: swing, salsa, ballet, waltz, foxtrot, all sorts. I want to kick my legs up like Cyd Charisse without getting a cramp. I want to be flung around by some guy who knows his moves, without treading on his toes or passing out. I want to bend, writhe, and move. I want to dance!

Maybe in the holidays, I'll go to a local salsa class. I might even head out to the Bloch store, and kit myself out whilst coveting the pointe shoes. More likely though, I'll sit on the couch, eating ice-cream, watching old movies and envying those dance moves.

May 28, 2010

Some colour

This page needs more colour and happiness.

Image from here. Work by Jonna Pohjatain

There. That's much better.

May 27, 2010


I want to relaaaax. Or rather, I want to have the time to relax, to put on some music, lay on the couch, sip on some red wine, read a good book and relax. Gimme.

Maybe if I listen to this Ben Folds Five song long enough, Ben's voice will soothe me (heh, my middle name is Jane...I can pretend he's singing to me...). Ah, I could do with a soothing soundtrack right now. Only one and a half weeks til I'm on holiday...can't wait.

May 23, 2010

It's funny cuz it's true.

from The Bad Chemicals online comic

I really, really, really, really want a holiday. A nice, relaxing holiday. Preferably involving a day spa and a jaunt out to the countryside, or even Tasmania, at some ridiculously plush and hidden away place. I just need to get away from things.

Last night, I got stuck in a cycle of insomnia. You know the one - your mind is listing off all the things you need to do, then you start arguing with that little voice, and the argument develops into a self-hating bitch-fight where you tell yourself how pathetic you are and how you're going to fail at everything, just like you do all the time. You know, that cycle. I managed to break it, with my sledgehammer-of-meditation, but dammit, I missed a good 3hrs of sleep thanks to my brain blathering on non-stop. It all comes down to being stressed. Lovely.

I should really keep something at my bedside that I can write in when I get stuck in one of those insomnia cycles. Instead of telling myself what I should've done and arguing it out in my head, I can write it all down and check it out the next day. Nothing like the harsh light of morning to tell you you're a bit crazy and need to stop stressing.

So, yes. A proper holiday would be lovely. Two more weeks of school til I can even *think* about it, though.

Ah, stress. You've got me. You bitch.

Cardiac Arrest

Image from Grill'd website

Hungry Jacks ain't got shit on Grill'd.

I wouldn't believe the hype that Grill'd's burgers are 'healthy', to be honest, but by gods, you have to believe me when I tell you they're tasty. So, unbelievably tasty! Gimme!

May 21, 2010

How gauche

In the late 1990s, I had a scrapbook filled with images of houses which I coveted. Not just the exteriors, but interiors, furniture, gadgets, architectural feats, household items, colours, locations...everything that makes up a home. The dream was that I would leave school, get a job, move out of my parents' place as soon as could, work on getting stuff I wanted to surround myself with, and finally buy my own home before I was 30.

Yeah, life never works out the way you plan it. Perhaps that's a blessing - I was rather into the gothic/Tudor look back then - but I still want my own place to tinker with and make my own.

One thing I never factored into my little dream was that I would be living with anyone else full-time. I imagined myself to be the strange, old, spinster lady with the pets and odd friends, who played the piano very loudly at dinner time and had a slightly overgrown garden. I'd been buying my own furniture and such in preparation for leaving home. I would take my piano, of course, the pets too. Then I met a guy and moved to the other side of the country. I ended up selling all that beautiful furniture, and my wonderful piano, and now I have no assets, and live in a tiny, pithy flat. My younger self would've been horrified.

I'm kinda lucky with my bloke that we both want a nice place with polished floorboards, a well-equipped kitchen, decent insulation, a courtyard, and a dog or cat (or both) to keep us company. That's our ideal. In the meanwhile, we rent our flat, which we furnish with compromises. I put up with his love of bright, primary colours, and he puts up with my love of soft furnishings. I try not to 'tch' at his dirty clothes/shoes/socks spread over the flat, and he keeps quiet about my art supplies stuffed dangerously behind my easel and anywhere else I can find space, and my complete annexing of the couch. Compromises.

Getting back on thread though, there was one thing I always wanted in my future house, especially after seeing this at the movies:

Gods, I still love that movie. Definitely watching it again on my holidays...

Anyway, yes, I used to want an aquarium as an architectural feature in my 'dream' house. I know, I know. It's okay, though, I think I've grown out of this, thankfully, BUT! I did see this just today, and it brought all those dreams flooding back.
Image from Hammacher Schlemmer shop

Of course, having this coffee table/aquarium would be far, far cooler if I actually had a cat who would sit on the thing, and stare at it in between naps. Simply can't afford to have one (a pet) right now, even fish...a house just ain't a home without a pet. But, geez, if I had've seen this as a 16-year-old, I may just have saved up my pennies and bought the damn thing.

Ah! I want my own place to live in. And I want to decorate it as I see fit. I still want those Victorian touches - a study lined with bookshelves; bedroom-come-boudoir, at least for a while; wall sconces of any kind, really; but the aquarium? Well, I've been compromising for so long that my tastes have changed. I can do without the aquarium.

And you know what? I think that's a good thing.

May 20, 2010

Fulfilling a prophecy

Well, I got stuck into the wine tonight.

And now, I'm wanting falafel. In particular, Shawarma falafel.

Image from The Kebab Shop

I'm sure if I keep drinking, I'll want either a kebab or a curry. By the sober light of day, I'm a mild-mannered vegetarian. By night, an evil, meat-devouring temptress (who cannot finish her assignments). Going by my current craving, my body clock thinks its mid-afternoon.



Why is it that when I have copious amounts of homework to complete, I'm drawn to blathering on my blog? Don't answer that...I'm sure it's rhetorical.

Anyway. Lookie this:

Why yes, I did google my own blog. I told you, I'm procrastinating. But I was thinking I'd go through pages and pages before I got to my link, and there it is as the fourth choice! Noice!

If only my current assignment were so easy to complete (and complete well). Dammit. I want to be struck with a brilliant brainwave which will help me finish it before it's due tomorrow. So far, no luck.


NB: Yes, I clicked those other links. Gotta check the competition, ya know.

Tonight, I will be mostly wanting...

Image from some random site

However, I should be (and I do want to be) having this:
Image from here

Of course, we all know that I will most likely be having this:
Image from (...eugh, really? Thanks Google Image search...)The Biblioblog

My poor liver. It hates me so much right now, simply for the lack of good food lately. I'm sorry liver, I will look after you in the holidays. Promise.

May 19, 2010

I wish I'd thought of that.

Image from Kate Bingaman-Burt's website.

I am not alone in the world: others covet crap too. They just make books about their covetous nature, and be all brilliant instead of whiney like me.


May 16, 2010


One thing I will never understand is the teasing of red-haired people.

Why all the jokes? What's wrong with red hair? Okay, okay, yes, we all know it's caused by a recessive gene, but humans beings are inherently flawed, so there's no need to harp on about it. Personally, I find red hair to be so absolutely beautiful.

For as long as I can remember, I've wanted red hair. There are a few images which I think swayed this opinion in me:

Molly Ringwald in The Breakfast Club
Image from Ali On The Air blog

Frizzy Nicole Kidman
From Mia Makila's blog

My childhood idol, Queen Elizabeth I
Public domain.

Yes, I am an 80s child. Yes, it shows.

To this day, I am still biased towards people with red hair. I will 'check out' those with red hair far more than those with other hair colours. When I first met my boyfriend, and told him of my red-hair preference, he dug out his old kindergarten photos to prove he was once a 'ginger', and swore to me that his beard grew red (it does). As awful as it sounds, knowing he had the red-hair recessive gene, and seeing a few red strands through his hair actually made me more attracted to him.

To this day, I still want gorgeous, red hair. Maybe strawberry blonde, or deep rose. I wouldn't go punk pink-red, and maybe not Vyvyan Orange. Red highlights look cool, but I'm not cool. I want an all-over red. Any of the Pre-Raphaelite reds. Sure, not all reds would suit me, but I just want red hair, dammit. Red, red, red.

Of course, I've dyed my hair at home many, many times. Nothing beats whacking a rinse through to perk me up for 8-10 washes. I've tried black, deep brown and even blonde, but usually choose red. I've only once had it dyed red professionally, and by gods, it looked divine. Deep rose, with a cut that made my hair bounce and look thick. Shame I couldn't afford to keep going back to that hairdresser.

Speaking of which, it's time to get my hair cut again. It's been a good three or four months since my last cut and my hair hates me for it. I don't enjoy going to the hairdressers, to be honest...well, not since I stopped going to the one aforementioned. My hair is really awful, thanks to genetics and a bad liver, and the local hairdressers always look so disgusted by it. Still, it needs a cut, and I haven't coloured it for awhile. Maybe I'll see about going strawberry blonde. I've a few pennies saved, so I could possibly afford it.

In the meanwhile, I'll just have to be a mousy brown. Eugh.

May 14, 2010

Airing my dirty laundry

Look, it's not right, it's not rational, it's suprisingly common, and a bit sick, but...

I want to be skinny.

I mean skinny. With ridiculously good boobs.

I say this whilst eating a bowl of ice-cream, so obviously I don't want to be skinny so very, very much. I don't covet it, as such. I just want to be skinny again.

See, I once was skinny. Yup, back when I had a mild eating disorder (what girl hasn't had a 'mild eating disorder'?). The fat percentage on my body was tiny, I had a flat stomach, and slim arms. Sure, I was still 'curvy', as that's my shape (which I hated at the time), but gosh, I was skinny. Not dangerously skinny, just skinny enough that people noticed. And that's what was important.

As a child, I was cute. Little nose, freckles, big fringe (bangs), gummy smile. Everyone told me how cute I was. Then I broke my nose, lost my baby teeth, had a growth spurt and suddenly, people stopped complimenting me. Teachers no longer wanted to give me one-on-one help. Adults openly discussed my looks and gave me helpful 'hints' on how not to look so ugly. I took their advice ultra-seriously. I felt I had disappointed everyone by failing to be pretty. It was as if people threw up their hands and said "The bitch is plain! There goes our hopes and dreams of her being successful". I didn't realise at the time, but even my best friend's mother was passive-aggressively demeaning towards me:

"You have your father's eyes, K"
"Thanks! My grandmother has the same blue, too"
"No, not the colour. I meant the same small, narrow shape"

When puberty hit, I was excited. The Ugly Duckling outcome was a possibility. I'd been promised a body like my mother's - big boobs, small waist, good legs. Finally! I might even look pretty! Boy, I got jibbed - b-cups, wide hips and my oil glands went so crazy that I got a face full of acne.

My peers all came into their own at this time, 'burgeoning into young women' as the phrase goes. No acne for them, just full mouths, sultry eyes, great hair, and womanly bods. This was about the time I started monitoring my weight. I wanted to stop 'growing', which is laughable now, as I did stop growing, but in height. I'm a 5ft 9" woman trapped in the body of a 5ft 7" moron. I kept my weight at an unhealthy, but stable 55kgs, which I loved. I felt so fragile, like a beautiful ballerina. The more people noticed, the more determined I was to stay skinny. People were finally showing concern over me! It was a delicate line of getting attention without getting medical attention. I knew the physical implications of binge-eating and daily laxatives, but hey, I was young, I didn't care. I had finally found something I could do, and do well, that people would recognise.

It took years to get out of the 'skinny' mindset. As my mind got healthier, I appreciated my body more, and started even to like parts of it. I put on some weight, and got 'comfortable in my own skin'. Of sorts, I guess.

That's where I'm up to today. I'm a plain, weird-looking, averaged-height nobody. Well-meaning people tell me I could look pretty if I "just did" this or that, and it irks me. There's more to life than looking pretty, and my feminist morals are doing a good job at keeping me from doing anything too stupid, but still, I can't help it: I want to be skinny again.

I think I'm desperate to be praised, really. The major thing in my life that I ever felt 'praised' for, was my body, when I was underweight. Sad, really, and not just for me.


Oh dear.

I'm happy my team has been doing so well this year, but I really wanted them to win tonight. Especially as I watched the game instead of doing homework.


May 13, 2010

As promised...the Ongoing Shoe Saga, fini!

The shoes!!!

No wonder my career as a Betty Grable impersonator never quite took off! I do like the Anne Boleyn look, though.

Verdict? I looooove the shoes! Not only are they gorgeous and comfortable, but they were packaged in such a way that my inner design-geek went squee! A day or two ago I had shopper's guilt about buying them. Did I really want the shoes, or did I just want to look pretty like the blog girls did in them? Probably more the latter, BUT! I realised that I will still be wearing these shoes in ten years, and will congratulate myself on a great buy. I tend to do that a lot...grab an item from my wardrobe, and admire my buying brilliance. Then I usually put it away and wonder when the hell I'm going to wear it again...

Anyway! The shoes are perhaps still half a size too big, but that gives room for swelling (eww) whilst also giving me an excuse to buy some lovely knitted, over-the-knee socks to pair with them. Brilliant! In the meantime, I've got a 60s look to rock out with my op-shop orange coat:

Man, I want more stockings. I mean stockings, not pantyhose. First I need to find the right suspender belt, though, so I can wear the stockings with my every-day gear without it being obvious. But that's another post...

These photos really do the shoes no justice. You wouldn't think that I was a design student by the poor quality of the photos and Photoshopping either...certainly not one who has, just scored herself a scholarship for her graphic design course!! I know! Crazy!! I'm thinking a new camera may be bought...anyway, I'm getting sidetracked. I'll finish off by saying that Seychelles make a damn fine shoe, and look after their customers very well. Also - I may still not be as pretty as a blog girl, but damn, my feet look good!

May 12, 2010

Gimme some more time!!

You know what irritates me? When I'm madly trying to finish an assignment and my iTunes DJ plays this song:

It's really just cruel.

I'd write more, but, well, obviously I'm madly trying to finish an assignment, and time is not on my side. Bastard time.

Back to it...shoe photo tomorrow! I hope! I semi-promise!

May 11, 2010

Because this front page is looking very text heavy... is an image to break it up. More images (of the shoes) will follow, sometime after Thursday.

Image from The Bad Chemicals online comic

I saw this particular comic just a few days ago, and it got me thinking about all my 'wants' as opposed to 'desires'. Bit too philosophical for this blog, perhaps, but it did get me thinking about what would happen if I got everything I wanted...would I be happy?

Perhaps I'm happier wanting things rather than having them...


...I has them!

On mah feet!


Photos to follow...

May 10, 2010

Pretty dresses

You'd think from the previous posts on this blog that I was a 'shoe obsession' kinda gal, wouldn't you? Well, you'd be ever so slightly wrong. Whilst I love shoes, I'm extremely fussy about them, and hardly ever buy any.

Bugger, broke my promise. Anyway!

My girly obsession is with dresses. Not only do I love them, but I keep buying them. It's bad. I have at least four new-ish dresses in my wardrobe that I have not yet worn; all quite dressy, all bought online. I don't get to wear them, cuz I don't go anywhere fancy. Even with my tendency to over-dress for casual events just so I can 'air' one of my many dresses, these four have still not been worn.

It's not just fancy dresses though. I keep buying 'everyday' dresses on the premise that "If my wardrobe is full of dresses, I'll have no choice but to wear one every day", and will therefore feel pretty every day. I keep forgetting that I don't always feel confident enough to wear a dress - it's windy outside, it's freezing, my legs are gross, it's sugar-pill week, I'm having a fat day (etc etc).

And yet - I want another dress. Two, in fact. A brown, tweed pinafore and a green dress of some description. Hence I'm on ModCloth everyday, or I check Anthropologie, or a beautiful fashion blog, searching for something I might like. Right now, I have a tab open in my browser, looking at 'Old Fashioned Pretty', and wishing myself into the images it's showing. Just look:

Images from Old Fashioned Pretty blog

From Strawberry Koi

Really, I should head out to Northcote or somewhere groovy to check out the retro-esque shops rather than look online at expensive dresses I can't try on or even afford. I'd be much better behaved if I could feel the fabric and see the price tag. I may be covetous, but I'm notoriously tight-arsed.

So I've imposed a little dress ban on myself. No, nothing as ridiculous as the Australian government's rumoured dress ban. Rather I am not to buy myself any more dresses, unless they're as close as possible to the most perfect green something or brown tweed dress that I can currently afford.

That ought to nip it in the bud.

May 09, 2010

Happy Mother's Day (warning, sentiment is expressed!)

Today, I wanted my Mum to have a *brilliant* Mother's Day. Unfortunately, I couldn't be with her, so she missed out on breakfast in bed and being spoilt with a foot massage. Typical Mum, though, still reckons she's had a great day, simply because she got a few gifts and had dinner with my brother. Ah well.

Image from here

To all the Mums - Happy Mother's Day.
Love especially to all those without Mums.

May 07, 2010


A shrubbery!

(Failing that, gimme Michael Palin)


May 06, 2010

A name, at last!

I have loved a particular kind of flower for quite a while now. My love for it is starting to overtake my supreme love for the lily, and yet, I've never been able to put a name to its petals. Until just now:

Image from Garden Guides

Of course! I know the name so well! I've never grown them myself, or known many people who've grown them, so I haven't been able to store it in my memory next to the gorgeous image of the bloom. Thankfully, that has now been put to rights.

I want a vase full of these flowers; I want to draw their full bulbs and delicate stems; I want my local florist to stock them so that, even if I can't afford to buy them every week, I may walk by and see their beautiful faces every week. I want to remember their perfume; I want to have a tea party and scatter these about the table...


May 04, 2010

This is what happens when I procrastinate

I have quite a few deadlines for schoolwork creeping up on me this week, so naturally, I've been time-wasting online. I'm very good at it, with a bevy of sites to keep me entertained for months on end without really engaging my brain properly. Still, though, I should know better than to go here:

Image from EpiCute: The Cute Food Blog

Damn you EpiCute! Now I want cupcakes! Not a fruity muffin, not a slice of moist cake, no pie or even chocolate, just some ridiculously sweet and over-rated cupcakes.

Cupcake cravings are evil, as I find they're only really cured by having a cupcake. Then another. Then another; and another; and a few more, then thinking "Gee, cupcakes really don't hit the spot", feeling sick, and wondering why the hell I craved one to begin with. This usually coincides with me dropping from the sugar high, and getting really disappointed with cupcakes. Until, of course, I see cupcakes like these:

Hamburger cake, eat your heart out! Another EpiCute pic. Shame about the can of cola ruining the photo.

And the whole vicious cycle begins again.

Anyway, I'm trying not to think about them. I really need to get back to my homework. Although there are ingredients in the kitchen to make a small batch of, no, no, I can't. I won't. I'll avoid temptation and any nastiness to my poor stomach.

Ah, cupcakes. Little hussies.

May 6th PS: I partially resisted temptation. I did bake last night, only I made muesli slice (with chocolate chips). My belly is stuffed with the oaty, fruity and chocolate-y goodness, so much so that I no longer want a cupcake. Cure!

May 01, 2010

The Ongoing Shoe Saga Pt 2

I lack faith.

Seychelles put the shoes back up just for me!! One, little customer on the arse-end of the world!! They have been ordered. When I have them in my hot little hands I will put them on my my big, narrow feet, and photograph my happiness to share with you!

In the meantime, I will do my best not to talk about shoes for a while. Let's see how long that lasts...


Lie down on the couch, and we can begin.

When I began this blog, I said it was to be used as a kind of therapy and mirror. Therapy in allowing me to blurt out my covetous passions; and a mirror, in showing to me just how much crap I waste my time coveting.

Reflecting on all my posts to date, my findings are that:
• I seek to hide my vulgarity with what I perceive to be 'classy' fashion.
• I should get checked out for diabetes and eat more leafy green vegetables.
• It's possible I have a shoe fetish.
• I'm still covetous of crap.

Beat that, Mr Freud.
(It is so tempting to make a lewd joke there about 'beating off'...)